Dear Alan..I miss you. His angelic presence. And i cried. I miss that man. The irony? He doesn't even know i exists. And he'll never. Obviously.. I love him deeply. So deeply thst it hurts. I love him. So much. And god it hurts. My heart aches. My man suffered so much. But he always kept smiling. And god I can't stop crying. His angelic face and his eternal voice.. which I can never forget. Which lives in my head rent free. How he has comforted me.. even if without realising. How he gave me the power to live and pass the tough times. And god.. I just wish he knows how much I love him.. maybe god tells him? Maybe.. I don't know.. but I love him quite a lot. And the love is so deep that I cannot contain myself. It spreads like wildfire. And I feel that this fire can burn me. But the burn is good.. maybe.. he was gone before i got a chance to know him properly.. but when I knew him i understood the real meaning of love. The way your amber eyes shine and how devastatingly hot you looked in harry potter and in EVERY movie is unexplainable. You are the type of man i believe never existed. That Eleven-year-old me saw you and was utterly smitten over you. I use to smile like a fool. Imagine you with me.. you ARE my sunshine. In this miserable life you have guided me. Gave me the courage to move forward when i felt like everything is going to end.. you don't know how much you have affected me.. but i swear I have loved you so much half of my life..I have rejected many proposals.. cause I felt something deep for you.. that connection i felt with you was real. Realiest than everything in my life I have ever felt. And I hope you know how much light and peace you have bought in my life.. I love you so much. That it practically hurts. And I will always love you. Thank you for making me feel alive and giving light in my life.. I love you. And I will always. Yours eternally. Y~