My dear Alan, I'm sorry. You probably wouldn't be very proud of me for my attempt at joining you up there. There is a part of me that wish I'd succeeded that night of march 2025. But don't worry, I'm not alone anymore. I learn slowly to take care of myself again, in my mind and my body. It's been a long way and there's still a long path of healing ahead. But I want you to know, that all the way through it, if i stayed strong, it's because of you. I identified so much to Severus Snape when i was a kid, it pushed me to become stronger, to endure and never falter, stay determined. Today, when I think of you, it remind me to keep going on, and take even the tiniest positivity i can get through the day. Because life deserves to be lived at it's fullest, an you didn't get that chance. So I live, remembering each day that you would've give anything to stay with us a little longer.